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StarScape: Beyond the Blackhole
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Poll Result
  So, what do you think?  
 
Astounding!
22%
 22%  [ 2 ]
I like it.
33%
 33%  [ 3 ]
Eh...
33%
 33%  [ 3 ]
If we pretend we like it, would you be kind enough to stop?
11%
 11%  [ 1 ]
Everything in you experience in life adds to your being. Please take this part back, if humanly possible.
0%
 0%  [ 0 ]
 
  Total Votes : 9  

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X-Fighter
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 7:22 am    Post subject: StarScape: Beyond the Blackhole Reply with quote

Arrow It's funny, but someone erased Fost's post that inspired this in my brain... basically, he had insinuated that I ought not comment on another's
Arrow writtings, without any proof of my own ability.

Arrow I'm not sure how good this is, but bear with it; there will likely be several installments, as this delineated quite a legnth in my head.

Arrow Also, I request that if you choose to give negative feedback, you offer a few specifics. It's fairly meaningless otherwise.


Last edited by X-Fighter on Thu Apr 29, 2004 3:11 am; edited 4 times in total
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 7:22 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I awoke in a cold sweat. The warning klaxons were going off again. As I climbed out of my bunk, a stack of papers fell from its resting place on my naked body. Bud was ever on top of these things.

I padded into the hallway wearily, and began paging through the latest tactical report I had been left with. I contemplated how truly brilliant a tactician Bud was, so meticulous in every respect. If we ever got out of this deep-space hell hole, I was definitely moving to the German republic– I couldn’t possibly serve any other military, it’d chance that I’d actually have to fight him some day. I was too smart for that.

I heard someone yelling at me as I stood there, dazed, and suddenly felt myself hoisted into the air, apparently being carried along. Humiliating, but it saved me the trouble of actually having to crawl my way to the docking bay.

They planted me in front of Jenna’s team, who quickly began violating my body with the various probes and monitors that built the base of my piloting suit. Horribly uncomfortable, but the alternatives included dying as my blood pressure exploded my face, should even the slightest leak occur in my cockpit. Such were the dangers of being a fighter pilot.

My hundred-kilogram outfit in place, the two of us were hoisted up to the loading platform. I glanced at the report again, and tossed it aside as I punched in my craft selection. A short ride down the transport tube later, I began my usual regret of being the only Omega IX competent pilot onboard the Aegis. I wouldn’t mind so much if they could install another operating system in these crafts, but this was the only software template that the Aegis had onboard. I’d teach someone else, but even a skilled instructor requires four years to get all the tricks and tips across. I wasn’t even that lucky.

As the last of the docking bay team cleared the area, the familiar grinding noise began. I knew we had to conserve our air supply, but there must be a quieter way to evacuate it from an area.

After a few earsplitting seconds, the grinding gave way to the launching cannons’ screaming whirr. The twin green beams quickly locked onto my ship and literally flung us out into space.

It was too quiet out here. It always was. I blanked my mind of the sudden contrast of sound, focusing on the task at hand.

My eyes quickly cut across the infinite horizon before me . . . nothing unusual, just the same old stars and quasars visible but forever out of reach. I swear, sometimes I can still see the Earth from here, sitting there, mocking us from just beyond the dimensional border.

I glanced at my radar momentarily to find the blob of pings, hundreds of Archnid fighter craft just swarming together, waiting.

I missed the third dimension of the Omega IX radar, that was made it truly outstanding for spacecraft control. Here, though, in this blasted little matrix of pancake-shaped pockets of stable reality, coined so lovingly as “The Grid”, here it was as obsolete as Bakelite. I missed Bakelite, one of the finest materials ever concocted in the history of mankind.

I slowly arch towards the blip-mass, considering my options. I hated this. They were too smart, too keen, too quick to learn. The tactical report had read almost identical to the last one, and it scared me– Bud had realized it too. These damned cyborgs, the self-named “Archnid”, were using me as a guinea pig. Every strategy, every tactic we devised, they quickly learned, adapted to, and then employed against us! Every battle has boiled down to trying to kill as many as possible, while teaching them next to nothing. Sadly, their “hive-brain” appears to learn from us, even if I kill every last witness. Nothing escapes their eyes. Nothing.

I close my eyes briefly as I prepare for the battle. A tone in my cockpit signals–my suit has told the Aegis that I’ve stopped breathing again. I hate this enforced silence, rarely do I get to hear a human voice, just signature signals sent back and forth, to keep the bloody machines from learning too much. I’ll have time to think on this later, though.

My hand arches and tightens as my muscles reflexively strain into position for instant movement across the console, my knuckles whitening under the intensity. I exhale, stopping the tone, glance once more at the field ahead, then punch up my thrusters to full throttle.

I begin rushing across the disc of reality, hurtling towards my enemies as fast as humanly possible– I can see them in the distance now, tiny, growing specks of hatred, waiting . . .

As I rush upon the first wave, I quickly pull a barrel roll to port, an impossible feat in this flat void, but enough space exists to send my ship’s balance lurching off, giving a slanted trajectory.

I quickly unleash the death balanced at my fingertips, a dazzling array of plasma and rockets spreading outwardly in a sheet from my angled path.

I spin quickly, and drive straight into the heart of the mass, dodging subtly as the incoming fire rushes towards my hull.

As I slice through my metallic foes, I come upon a pocket, an emptiness in their density.

Suddenly, a dozen small fighters pull an impossible flight maneuver, sliding sideways while they rush forth . . . they were learning faster.

I angle off, their fire whizzing uselessly behind me as I engage the heavy assault ships, granting each a heat-seeker across the nose.

I spin once more, engage the small flight on my tail, and catch them unprepared.

As the last of the Archnid glisten off into microscopic dust, I wave across the docking request panel thrice, our prearranged signal for the Aegis to come and get me.

I close my eyes, and, despite the orificial intrusions of my suit, begin to sleep.

---


Last edited by X-Fighter on Tue Apr 27, 2004 9:28 am; edited 2 times in total
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PostPosted: Tue Apr 27, 2004 8:33 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Yay, another fanfic, nice one Very Happy
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 5:10 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

There’s something wrong with me. Doctor Von Braun insists it’s only sleep deprivation, but I feel old, like I’m rotting from the inside. The doc proscribed some narcotic or other to minimalize the hallucinations, at least. Those I could do without.

I miss clothing; I haven’t worn any in months now. Life consists of lying in bed for a few minutes, pretending to sleep, overly difficult decisions on how to run the station, and flying endless missions against droves upon droves of Archnid. Getting dressed eats into precious time that could be spent elsewhere, and they’d still have to strip me to fit my flight suit on. Thus I trudge, a naked ghost amongst all these distinguished and uniformed scientists.

I ooze onto the flight deck for my latest service request. Jenna glances at my approach, and instinctively picks up a fusion welder. I think she hates me now, not that I blame her. I had zoned into a fantasy involving her and a field of giant purple mushrooms earlier this week, while talking to her. I’m not sure exactly what I did, but I woke restrained to my bed afterwards. She won’t come near me without a welder aimed in my general direction, and she glances about the entire time I’m talking to her, like she’s checking to make certain we’re not alone.

I mumble about the new ionized particle cannon while tapping a few diagrams of the fighters in dock. She nods, and they quickly begin shifting the components into place. She listens well, despite her fear. I hope she forgives me some day.

As I begin making my way to the navigation bridge, Bud slaps me with the newest tactical schematics for the next battle. He claps me on the shoulder and says something encouraging . . . I have no idea what. I smile and nod at him, and he heads off to his post to prepare the next document . . .

I glance over the briefing once, barely reading it before letting it slide to the floor. The Archnid were bent on forcing us to teach them. More of the same old setups. The battles had long ago started blending in my memory, nothing distinguished one massacre from the next. I could tell they were adapting and changing, but I was alone, always alone, just I and the meaningless beeps from the Aegis.

I stumble my way back into the docking bay, close my eyes, and wait. I’m not sure how I learned to sleep through being “plugged in”, but I will maintain this skill to the end of my days.

I click the newly refurbished fighter, and pretend the Archnid are drilling my brain out; the roar of the launching sequence seems more comforting that way. I know, under any other circumstances, that revelation alone would be enough to get me grounded from this eternal nightmare. Here, though, it would be merely another horror to scare the already terrified crew, so it remains locked inside, haunting me.

I mechanically go out to meet the Archnid. Between the spray of ionized charges and photon torpedoes, I require little brain effort. This makes the task infinitely dull, but they don’t learn anything from it either.

As their ships slowly vaporize, I see them. First the disintegrating superstructure, then the mechanical hardware, and lastly them: strange species of creatures I’ve never seen before, deformed and defiled by the metal intrusions of their masters. I would marvel at the diversity of creation the Archnid have absorbed, but I can only see the pain, the terror gripping their faces as, for the first and last time in a thousand years, their automated overlords stop dominating their every thought and action. I cry for them– I always will. Their twisted visages, screaming and contorting as their flesh bodies burn away, those images are forever seared into my skull.

I've no idea how the fantasy about Jenna ended, but I wish I knew . . . it was the only time I didn’t awake screaming from visions of those grotesque remains.

I find myself in the Aegis again, lying in bed. I don’t remember how I concluded this battle, and I don’t want to. I close my eyes, and watch them appear again. I think now I fight as much to free them from their fate as I do to protect us from sharing it. I try to envision their souls escaping to Heaven as I drift off, but fail.
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 1:19 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

That's one tortured pilot!
It's totally cool that people are writing for Starscape, I love the ideas that are coming up.

You're obviously going somewhere with this, but right now I'm just enjoying the ride, and haven't a clue where we'll end up - great!

Still no fan art though- that would make my day - even if it is by a six year old crayola-ninja....
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 10:43 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

can someone PLEASE tell me what fan art is! is it what we think stuff should look like? is it bad recreations of screenshots? WHAT?!?!?!?
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PostPosted: Wed Apr 28, 2004 11:09 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Fan art is just when people draw pictures inspired by something else (books, films, games). More often than not this is characters from whatever series but also scenes or entirely new situations set in the same universe.

My favourite thing about fan art is usually when someone draws a character but uses their own style rather than copying the look exactly. So you might get for instance a really lose pencil sketch of Rin - but looking more 'real' than cartoonlike or a pastel picture of JJ. It can be great, a bit like fan fiction, people often show you other dimensions to the world - characters just sat having a drink even can be cool.

Here's some links:

Starwars fan art: http://cgi.theforce.net/theforce/fanart/imageFolio.cgi
Lord of The Rings Fan Art: http://fan.theonering.net/index.shtml
Dragon Lance Fan Art: http://www.dragonlance.com/fan/art/

There's also fan fiction on some of the above pages.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 12:37 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

okay then. i'll get around to drawing some badly drawn stuff related to starscape in paint......
edit: 3d programs are also allowed right???


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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 12:40 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

I'll use my own measure of grading Fanfics, because if I used yours, then I'd be forced to say "It sucks" because all fanfics, at best, suck....(by your words at least)

Pretty good, I liked it. The story read well and I saw everything in my mind as it happened. I hate critiquing because I've never been good at it, but I'd like to point out what I thought was...wrong isn't the right word. I did like the friction between the characters (Jamson and JJ) though the pilot is a bit more tourtured for my tastes, and the time between battles is off for what I can tell.

There's a lot of difference between Gameplay Mechanics and Storyline Mechanics that have to be taken into account. I'll use the game series MegaMan for an example. The MegaMan X4 game specifially. In that game, like all the others before it, the player has to fight 8 bosses in 8 different stages before moving on to the final 3 levels of the game. According to the storyline, the bad guys (the Repliforce) are fighting for their independance against the world's government, and the good guys (the Maverick Hunters) are fighting them to suppress their actions. In Game Mechanics, only one of two characters move out and kill several dozen small enemies before killing the boss. In Storyline Mechanics, there are possibly hundreds of good guys fighting hundreds of bad guys, when finally the main character (X or Zero, the two player characters of the game) finds and faces off with the leader of the current army (the boss) and defeating them.

To compare the two makes some big differences. According to the game, an entire worldwide military force has only 2 soldiers and only one of them will fight the enemy army when the call to action is sounded, while to the storyline, they have hundreds, it's just that those 2 are the best and lead their brothers and sisters in arms into battle.

That's what leads me to believe that the time it takes to warp the Aegis to another sector is a lot longer. I can scaresly believe that it takes just minutes to go from one area to the next, or that a science team of 5 can rebuild alien technology from Xenarch components to be a viable piece of equipment for human based technology in just a few minutes. Unless the scientists look at a Lv-1 Shield and say "Hey, look here, there's a switch marked 'Xenarch Use - Human Use' let's hit that and see what it does." and they flip it and plug it in.

It usually took days for the crew of Star Trek to do something similar, and other stories I've read the same thing takes decades (for the case in point you'll have to read Halo: The Fall of Reach by Eric Nylund), so in that measure I'd take to the ideal that traversing from one sector to another would take at least a few days, which would help bring a better credibility to the science team's efforts to researching new technology.

Another example between Gameplay Mechanics and Storyline Mechanics, I'll return to the MegaMan series. In MegaMan X5, you're introduced to the 'leader' of the good guys Signas, as well as a support crew, a mechanic - Douglas, medic - Lifesaver and communication officer - Alia. According to how the game uses them, the leader of the good guys does even less than the Captain of the Aegis, he seems to talk less to the characters than Cpt. Fubuki does to the player, Douglas gives 8 tips on equipment you find and only exclaims that it's a miracle the player was restored to health after the ending (but nothing else), and Lifesaver's only purpose is to say that miracles don't exist (he never even helps heal you in the game, in or out of a hospital). According to Storyline Mechanics, everyone obviously has a lot of work to do, with Signas having to coordinate offensive and defensive measures, keeping an eye on what the support teams of the good guys do, ect. ect. and are far more than what the game lets on about their respecive jobs.

That example leads me to see Cpt Fubuki in a different light. She would be the one who commands where the Aegis goes (both in warp and real space), and would have to approve what and when each component is built. JJ would be the one working with Jamson and what to build, and Fubuki approves and they go ahead with the construction. It's called the chain of command. The others voice their ideas, and whatnot to the Captain, and she gives the go ahead. I just can't believe that when put to a storyline view the Captain would hand over her entire ship and everything that happens to it to a fighter jock. As her info says, Cpt Fubuki is a gifted navigator and pilot, the only person to ever win an unwinable battle simulation. That alone says a lot about her, and on top of that she kept a ship with a reduced crew to fight back and stay together against 5 times (or more) the firepower of her ship until the time that help arrived. Game Mechanics make you, the player do all the decisions, but when put in Storyline Mechanics, it would be the Cpt doing it all, taking suggestions from others.

I hope I've shown enough specifics to explain my points. I'm nowhere near your skills at writing things out, which is why I try not to critique things. I just do what I like and enjoy for my own stories.
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 3:04 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arrow On timeframe, I'd like to point out the fact that everything being "researched" was already known by someone. It's not so much "research" as it is
Arrow recompilation of data. Using the best super computer mankind can make to recompile old data should take hours at most.

Arrow I'm not done with my story as far as the Captain is concerned, but I am very confused: The storyline never details anything at all about these
Arrow simulations and training programs you keep talking about. As far as I can find, either you've got some documents not included in the CD and
Arrow downloadable versions, or this is something you've made up on your own.

Arrow (Actually, after a very intensive search, I found the obscure link on Moonpod's page that you're referencing... I've never seen that before, but it doesn't
Arrow do Rin's character much justice... if you play through to the end, you'll see what I mean).

Arrow Anyway, I could argue more on the state of Rin, but we actually have neither touched on her character nor seen her at all in the story(yet)! You're
Arrow reading too much into this. Wink

Arrow Overall, I'm kind of amused by your post, it proves my point precisely: By the very virtue of it being a fanfic, there's automatically points that stand at-
Arrow odds with everyone other than the writer, even if the writer can completely and competently support every point. That is why fanfics, by definition,
Arrow suck. Laughing
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 9:18 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

konedima wrote:
3d programs are also allowed right???


Or course, anything is allowed: there's no rules!! It's just for you own enjoyment, and others who are interested in the genre.

Here's an ABC Warriors fan pic I did about 10 years ago (gosh - that's a shcoking realisation!). I sent it into 2000AD and even got a letter back from Tharg! It was signed in fluorescent green ink and I got a free pin badge Cool
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 9:20 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arrow Your link is broken!

Arrow Also, who's Tharg?
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 9:28 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

X-Fighter wrote:
Arrow Your link is broken!

Note to self: upload picture THEN post..
X-Fighter wrote:
Arrow Also, who's Tharg?

Well, arrow man, Tharg is 'editor of the galaxy's greatest comic':
http://www.2000adonline.com/
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 9:48 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Arrow Ah. Also, can we upload pics to the board as well, or do we have to post them from off-site links?

Arrow And take my arrows seriously! They're here to seperate the story from whatever random BS I might be tempted to say between segments! Razz
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PostPosted: Thu Apr 29, 2004 9:55 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

X-Fighter wrote:
Arrow Ah. Also, can we upload pics to the board as well, or do we have to post them from off-site links?

just post them as an offsite link, I tend to move anything onto our own server if they are worth keeping.

X-Fighter wrote:
Arrow And take my arrows seriously! They're here to seperate the story from whatever random BS I might be tempted to say between segments! Razz


"Reconsider, as we will shoot so many arrows at you it will blot out the sun."
"So much the better. We shall fight in the shade"
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